Self Evaluation

I think change is a process, and I am at the beginning stages of this process. I am truly struggling, because I currently, only have a small idea of what my true ideals are, and what type of life I want to lead for my future. Part of me wants a traditional life with a family and such. The other part of me just wants to travel and get to know as many cultures as I possibly can until I'm finally am able to unite the world in my mind. I don't feel that in my lifetime, people will be at peace, and to be honest--it is most likely impossible.

As for things I stand for. I am to blame for my bitterness. I look at the life I have lead, and have realized that I am nothing but the problem. I love to shop, I enjoy fashion, I watch and buy albums from artists that just encourage young people to be vain and materialistic. I worry about my appearance constantly looking at myself in the mirror, wearing make-up and wanting to be "pretty". I worry about my weight. I buy gym memberships that I hardly ever use...then when I do get around to using it, I feel good....yet still think I could do better by maybe getting my "boobs done" or buying extra face cream to eliminate possible growing wrinkles.

As for society. I am wasteful. I take drives that aren't necessary. I drive to places that I don't even need to such as the grocery store. I could easily just buy what I need and walk the 2 blocks. Then, to make matters worse, I eat food that is not at all good for me. It is loaded with preservatives and only harming my body. I don't pay extra to buy organic, because I would rather save that money for something better like purchasing i-tunes music...or buying drinks for the weekend. I am the reason for this.

I have fallen into the trap, because now that I have lived such a good life. I have been blessed with all of these luxuries, and have only experienced abundance....I WANT MORE.

I can never be satisfied with the basics. I continually want more. When am I going to stop this? And what can I do to stop these behaviors, without being too extreme....but also, without just being complacent to how my actions affect the rest of the world??